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Honestly Admitting

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How to Pronounce Look, I was gonna go easy on you Not to hurt your feelings But I'm only going to get this one chance Something's wrong, I can feel it (Six minutes) Just a feeling I've got Like something's about to happen But I don't know what If that means what I think it means We're in trouble, big trouble And if he is as bananas as you say I'm not taking any chances You are just what the doc ordered I'm beginnin' to feel like a Rap God, Rap God All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod Now, who thinks their arms are long enough To slap box, slap box? They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rap-bot But for me to rap like a computer It must be in my genes I got a laptop in my back pocket My pen'll go off when I half-cock it Got a fat knot from that rap profit Made a livin' and a killin' off it Ever since Bill Clinton was still in office With Monica Lewinsky feelin' on his nutsack I'm an MC still as honest But as rude and as indecent as all hell Syllables, skill-a-holic (Kill 'em all with) This flippity dippity-hippity hip-hop You don't really wanna get into a pissin' match With this rappity brat, packin' a MAC In the back of the Ac' Backpack rap crap, yap-yap, yackety-yack And at the exact same time I attempt these lyrical acrobat stunts While I'm practicin' that I'll still be able to break a motherfuckin' table Over the back of a couple of faggots and crack it in half Only realized it was ironic I was signed to Aftermath after the fact How could I not blow? All I do is drop F-bombs Feel my wrath of attack Rappers are havin' a rough time period Here's a maxi pad It's actually disastrously bad for the wack While I'm masterfully constructing this masterpiece as 'Cause I'm beginnin' to feel like a Rap God, Rap God All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod Now, who thinks their arms are long enough to slap box, slap box? Let me show you maintainin' this shit ain't that hard, that hard Everybody wants the key and the secret To rap immortality like Ι have got Well, to be truthful the blueprint's Simply rage and youthful exuberance Everybody loves to root for a nuisance Hit the Earth like an asteroid Did nothing but shoot for the Moon since (Pew!) MCs get taken to school with this music 'Cause I use it as a vehicle to "bus the rhyme" Now I lead a new school full of students Me? I'm a product of Rakim Lakim Shabazz, 2Pac, N.W.A, Cube, hey Doc, Ren Yella, Eazy, thank you, they got Slim Inspired enough to one day grow up Blow up and be in a position To meet Run–D.M.C., induct them Into the motherfuckin' Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Even though I'll walk in the church And burst in a ball of flames Only Hall of Fame I'll be inducted in Is the alcohol of fame On the wall of shame You fags think it's all a game 'Til I walk a flock of flames Off a plank and, tell me what in the fuck are you thinkin'? Little gay-lookin' boy So gay I can barely say it with a straight face Lookin' boy (Ha-ha!) You're witnessin' a massacre Like you're watching a church gathering take place, lookin' boy "Oy vey, that boy's gay!"—that's all they say, lookin' boy You get a thumbs up, pat on the back And a "way to go" from your label every day, lookin' boy Hey, lookin' boy! What you say, lookin' boy? I get a "hell yeah" from Dre, lookin' boy I'ma work for everything I have Never asked nobody for shit Get outta my face, lookin' boy! Basically, boy, you're never gonna be capable Of keepin' up with the same pace, lookin' boy, 'cause— I'm beginnin' to feel like a Rap God, Rap God All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod The way I'm racin' around the track Call me NASCAR, NASCAR Dale Earnhardt of the trailer park, the White Trash God Kneel before General Zod This planet's Krypton—no, Asgard, Asgard So you'll be Thor, I'll be Odin You rodent, I'm omnipotent Let off, then I'm reloadin' Immediately with these bombs, I'm totin' And I should not be woken I'm the walkin' dead, but I'm just a talkin' head A zombie floatin' But I got your mom deep-throatin' I'm out my Ramen Noodle We have nothin' in common, poodle I'm a Doberman, pinch yourself in the arm And pay homage, pupil It's me, my honesty's brutal But it's honestly futile if I don't Utilize what I do though For good at least once in a while So I wanna make sure somewhere in this Chicken scratch I scribble and doodle enough rhymes To maybe try to help get some people through tough times But I gotta keep a few punchlines Just in case, 'cause even you unsigned Rappers are hungry lookin' at me like it's lunchtime I know there was a time where once I Was king of the underground But I still rap like I'm on my Pharoah Monch grind So I crunch rhymes, but sometimes when you combine Appeal with the skin color of mine You get too big and here they come tryin' To censor you like that one line I said on "I'm Back" from The Mathers LP 1 when I Tried to say I'll take seven kids from Columbine Put 'em all in a line, add an AK-47, a revolver and a 9 See if I get away with it now That I ain't as big as I was, but I'm Morphin' into an immortal, comin' through the portal You're stuck in a time warp from 2004 though And I don't know what the fuck that you rhyme for You're pointless as Rapunzel with fuckin' cornrows You write normal? Fuck being normal! And I just bought a new raygun from the future Just to come and shoot ya, like when Fabolous made Ray J mad 'Cause Fab said he looked like a fag at Mayweather's pad Singin' to a man while he played piano Man, oh man, that was a 24-7 special on the cable channel So Ray J went straight to the radio station The very next day, "Hey Fab, I'ma kill you!" Lyrics comin' at you at supersonic speed (J.J. Fad) Uh, summa-lumma, dooma-lumma, you assumin' I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman? Innovative and I'm made of rubber So that anything you say is ricochetin' off of me And it'll glue to you and I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin' audience A feeling like it's levitating Never fading, and I know the haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating 'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated I make elevating music, you make elevator music "Oh, he's too mainstream." Well, that's what they do when they get jealous They confuse it "It's not hip-hop, it's pop, "—'cause I found a hella way to fuse it With rock, shock rap with Doc Throw on "Lose Yourself" and make 'em lose it "I don't know how to make songs like that I don't know what words to use." Let me know when it occurs to you While I'm rippin' any one of these S that versus you It's curtains, I'm inadvertently hurtin' you How many verses I gotta murder to Prove that if you were half as nice Your songs you could sacrifice virgins too? Ugh, school flunky, pill junkie But look at the accolades these skills brung me Full of myself, but still hungry I bully myself 'cause I make me do What I put my mind to And I'm a million leagues above you Ill when I speak in tongues But it's still tongue-in-cheek fuck you I'm drunk, so, Satan, take the fucking wheel I'ma sleep in the front seat Bumpin' Heavy D and the Boyz Still "Chunky but Funky" But in my head there's something I can feel tugging and struggling Angels fight with devils And here's what they want from me They're askin' me to eliminate some of the women hate But if you take into consideration the bitter hatred I have, then you may be a little patient And more sympathetic to the situation And understand the discrimination But fuck it, life's handin' you lemons? Make lemonade then! But if I can't batter the women How the fuck am I supposed to bake them a cake then? Don't mistake him for Satan; it's a fatal mistake If you think I need to be overseas and take a vacation To trip a broad, and make her fall on her face and Don't be a retard — Be a king? Think not Why be a king when you can be a God?
How to Pronounce I thought it warranted a response from me. I have always toed the line of "edgy" humor when it comes to my online presence. Over the last 5 year, I've developed a more sarcastic, blunt, and satirical personality. There's nothing about what I've done publicly that I have tried to hide, or delete, or claim ignorance to. I take full responsibility of all I've said and all my actions. I can proudly say that I'm someone who is really open about my life in a space where many hide, not because they are bad people, but because people on the internet love judging and backseating a streamer's life. Someone emailed me a list of problematic things I've done in their eyes and that's making the rounds in the "twitter stan" circles, and normally I would say: "just don't watch my content" - not in a dismissive manner, but simply as, this is just my humor. But it has been brought to my attention that there are literally people crying about it, and even dragging the people I care about (namely my friends in OTV and Amigops) into it by pressuring them and condemning them for interacting with me. Shit on me all you want, but I always draw the line at attacking my friends. So let's take a look: 1. "He's a racist" - In an OTV video from 2 years ago where we did a Don't Laugh challenge, in an attempt to get a subject to laugh, I read out a race joke off a website. It was all bleeped out, but if you go looking for it - you'll find the full version. People seem to think this means I support racism even through my words and actions during the BLM protest, it's clear that I condemn it - even being attacked by people for using my platform to speak up against racism. It's an offensive joke I made to get a reaction from the participant. Trying to educate me that it's offensive has no weight because we all knew it was offensive, that's why it was censored. Is it tasteless, sure you can say that - but it doesn't make me a racist. As someone who was spat on for being the quiet Asian kid in school, being called Jackie Chan all the time, hearing "ching chong" when I go out to eat at a restaurant - I have experienced racism myself. This obviously doesn't make me immune to being racist, but reading an offensive joke doesn't make me one either. 2. "He's a racist off-stream" - In a podcast with Destiny, I mention that privately, streamers say and do things that the public would find distasteful. This is the truth. There's a reason why the majority of streamers keep their lives so private, and try to only show the positives of their lives to their audience. This is really important to understand - you only see what the streamers show you on stream. You don't know what they are like when the cameras are off besides stories and testimonies from people who actually know them. When I say I make racial jokes off-stream, this does not mean I walk around the OTV house dropping slurs left and right. It means occasionally, say we are discussing the next member of OTV, I would say "ARE THEY ASIAN? BECAUSE WE ARE TOO ASIAN. WE SHOULD DIVERSIFY WITH A WHITE/BLACK GUY!". Obviously, we don't pick member based on race - does that mean everyone in OTV deserved to be cancelled and forced to apologies for NOT then running to Twitter and publicly condemning what I said in private? No. 3. "He promotes pedophilia" - During a game of pictionary, the prompt was "illegal" and I drew a stick figure of a young girl, obviously meaning pedophilia is illegal. Some people tweeted at me saying that I want to have sex with children because of it. Some people say they just find it tasteless. Tasteless, I understand - again it just goes back to my "edgy" sense of humor. I don't support pedophilia (I can't believe I have to even say that) and it honestly surprises me that some stans are trying to cancel me for this one. The prompt was "illegal", I'm pretty sure it's clear that even with the worse opinion of me, people can recognize that I'm saying pedo = bad. 4. "I'm a rape advocate" - This one bothered me the most because the others I can understand to some degree of people just thinking my humor is crass and tasteless. Coincidentally, this one is the one where the email didn't bother including any VODs or clips, just a recollection that I said “when a women says no don’t let that stop you cause she doesn’t really mean it anyway, just keep going” - I genuinely do not remember saying this and am surprised that people didn't even bother checking the VOD for it before just blindly accepting it. I do recall saying something along the lines of "if a girl says no, just keep asking till she gives in" - as in keep bothering a girl if she turns you down. And obviously, I hope people have enough social understanding to see that it was sarcastic - as I did it in front of my two close female friends who I know will respond accordingly "TOAST NO, DONT TEACH THEM THAT". When I make satirical commentary, I usually say something purposely ignorant because I know there exists men that do think that way - and I do it in front of people I know who would react in a manner that shows that this line of thinking is not okay. I know doing so without a foil or friends to play the straight role, some fans might actually think I was being serious - which is why I always make sure that it's clear that what I'm saying is stupid. For this particular conversation, I also remember not finishing my sentence and immediately backtracking on it because I realized in the moment that some people might take it the wrong way since I didn't properly convey it. I recognize that rape and sexual assault isn't something to joke about, I like to think my actions during a period of time where friends of mine did go through such trauma shows how seriously I take it. It was a joke about how creepy men can be. I don't think it is fair to label me as a "rape advocate", especially while not showing any clips or VODs of the moment. 5. "He thinks there's nothing wrong with using the R slur" - This one is a complete head scratcher because I don't ever use the R slur, and I am really aware of why it's a word that shouldn't be used, which is why I've never used it in any of my stream or video for the last several years. The email claimed that I said this on a recent stream, but again, doesn't show the clip or VOD of me saying it. It really does break my heart to see people just eat all of this up without asking for at least the clip or context. They just see that the first 3 points had a video so they assume the second two points are valid without needing proof. I even recently did a stream saying how I specifically refrain from using the word despite it being "allowed" by other streamers. And final note, someone said I was specifically attacking some Twitter user when I talked about cancel culture on stream recently and to this I can only say: I have no idea who they are. I usually talk in generalizations of what I see or what people tell me. My friend showed me the profile and I had no idea what was going on, but this person was claiming I was specifically attacking them and that I called them a child. This goes back to what I have always said about parasocial relationships. The stans will try their best to insert themselves into a streamer's life to an unhealthy point, that this person thinks that I, Disguised Toast, was talking about THEM, this special individual. When I talk about children stans trying to cancel people, I'm referring to the toxic ones who tell anyone who disagree with them to kill themselves and are only interested in getting an apology as some kind of victory. If you're not a child throwing a tantrum on twitter, if you're respectfully voicing your opinions like the thread author here - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU WHEN I TALK ABOUT TOXIC STANS. Take one look at my mentions and you can find the people that I AM talking about. Moving forward, I will try to be a lil bit less edgy. But that type of humor is something I grew up with and do personally find humorous. Similar to Michael Scott's character from The Office or Joey from Friends - it's clear when they make ignorant remarks that they ARE ignorant remarks, and the reaction from the other characters make it clear on that. That's what I try to satirize in my content whenever I do make jokes rooted in racial or sexual nature. If you take it at face value, without context, without knowing me - I can understand why I might come off as a bigot. But even if you don't respect me, at least respect the opinion of the people around me, my peers, people who known me for years. Know that they wouldn't stand for any bigotry or racism or sexism because we hold each other to a very high standard. To the original message author: thanks for taking the time out to properly convey how you feel.. I do apologize to the people who were hurt by my jokes. If you watched my Among Us lobbies, my concern is always whether or not being are having a positive experience, its the same with my fans. With so much new fans coming in from the recent blowup in our friend circle, I'm sure several of them weren't aware that I had a very edgy, dry, sarcastic sense of humor that can definitely be offensive at times. And at the end of the day, if you are uncomfortable with my style of humor, then it's best not to watch me. I will try to be more considerate, but I expect to still make the occasional edgy joke here and there. The one thing I ask is to leave my friends alone. They are wonderful people that don't deserve any hate for associating with me. Boycott my content, cancel me, whatever - but don't drag them into it by pressuring them or demanding an apology from them just because we play games together. (Final thing, if you use my friends' faces as your twitter profile picture or their names in your handle, and you go around attacking other fandoms or use it to cause drama between fan bases - change it. Grow the fuck up. You give them a bad name and they don't deserve that. This goes double for any of my own fans because I've taught you all better than that.)
How to Pronounce I was woken by an embarrassed giggle. “You’re not supposed to be awake. I must be really bad at this. Maybe I should try another time?” I looked toward the silhouette of a girl standing in front of the window, the curtains breathing softly behind her. I tried to stay calm but I could feel a twinge of panic as I addressed her form “Who are you? How did you get in my room?” “Ah, of course,” I heard her voice drip with a playful tone, “I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Lilie, and I am a succubus.” My eyes had adjusted to the darkness now and I could see her full figure now. If this was a cosplay, it would be a really well done one. Her purple outfit seemed to accentuate her curves and the empty space between the criss-cross of fabric proudly displayed her cleavage and pale belly. Her thighs seemed to glow in the basking moonlight as the flesh was highlighted between her tiny bottom and stockings. Topping off her somewhat immodest dress were two tiny little horns that snuggled atop her red hair and the soft movement of her wings and tail behind her peeking out from the cutouts in her clothes. “I’m sure you’ve heard of us succubi,” Lilie continued as she slowly walked towards me, one leg in front of the other, crossing them slowly and deliberately as she inched forward, “As a succubus we have sex with humans as our nourishment, but we usually do so in their dreams, when they’re asleep. It seems I’ve screwed up this time.” She was inches in front of me now as she ran a finger from my waist up to my neck. “But I wonder how it’ll feel if my prey is conscious.” I felt myself pushed up against the wall as Lilie slowly ran a finger from my waist upward until it rested at my neck. I could almost feel a twinge of electricity at the path she traced. Lilie’s coy smile curled into a smug grin as she leaned up on her toes to bring her face closer to mine. I could hear my heart beat as I stared down at her face illuminated in the moonlight. Her batting eyelashes seemed to tease me. I swallowed to try and regain my composure but all I could hear was my pounding heart and smell the soft fragrance of some kind of fruit I couldn’t recognize. It felt like I was staring at her face for hours before either of us broke the silence. “What’s wrong? Are you afraid? If you are, why don’t you just try closing your eyes?” Lilie’s playful giggle seemed like a command and I could feel my eyelids descending as her face got closer and closer… It started with a warm softness pressed up against my lips. I could feel her tongue testing and caressing my lips-inviting them to open which I did with a bit of hesitation. I was surprised by the almost forcefulness of her tongue as it entered my mouth exploring every inch of mine, forcefully overwhelming me. I could feel myself blanking out as I tried to get a breath… Lilie let out a satisfied breath, licking her lips. Somehow after that exchange I was now lying on my bed with her seated atop me. Where she was sitting was no accident and she made sure to demonstrate that. “Mmm, yes,” Lilie whispered, licking her lips as she rocked back and forth grinding herself on me, “We succubi sometimes need an offering, just some bodily fluids from a human to start this process. It lets us get to intimately know someone’s thoughts so that we might transform into what they desire most. Now let’s see what is it that you desire.” I could feel myself getting harder and harder but Lilie made no effort to either stop or speed up, continuing her process of rubbing herself on my erection, occasionally twisting and gyrating her body in such a way that made me want to burst. “Yes, yes,” Lilie continued, smacking her lips a little, “I think I have a pretty good idea of what you’re into now. And now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I think I’m going to have my way with you n-” Lilie was no longer sitting upright on me but now on top of me. “Huh? Why can’t I move? What’s-” I could see Lilie’s look of surprise as she looked at her shoulders which were now completely smooth and devoid of arms. “My arms! Where are my arms?!” Lilie gave a startled scream and tried to push herself up but only succeeded in pressing her breasts against my chest as she squirmed and struggled. “I-is this what you’re into? Armless girls? Really?” In her attempts at getting up Lilie only succeeded in rolling herself off of me. I took this opportunity to move and be the one pinning her down now. “T-this is definitely a first for me, I didn’t expect something like this would happen at all!” Lilie let out a frustrated half groan, half moan. I watched as her shoulder moved a little as if she was trying to hide her face which was getting redder and redder with a blush. “Well, I guess I don’t mind it too much, as succubi are willing to go to any lengths to satisfy their...prey, but being armless like this, I feel so helpless and it’s honestly making me feel a bit weird...hey, stop staring at me like that! Do you like seeing an armless girl like this? Wait, you do! You do! Stop giving me that look, it’s as if I’m the one that’s the prey now!” The straps from her top had now fallen loose with nothing holding them up, her top was sliding off to reveal her breasts and one nipple was already almost out. “Well? Are you going to just keep staring at this armless succubus or are you actually going to do something about this helpless girl in front of you? You do know I still have my legs right?” As if to remind me, she pressed up her foot against my still stiff member and gave it a playful tease. As I bent down to pull her bottom off, I was stopped by her resting foot on my head. “Wait, before you do that, come up for a moment.” I stared at Lilie’s beautiful face nestled between two smooth armless shoulders. “Oh this is totally embarrassing since I don’t have arms and can’t do it myself but...before that, can you, um, can you kiss me again?” I didn’t need a second thought. Once again I felt myself her tongue wrap against mine, her armlessness evidently not changing her personality while kissing. As I felt my tongue melt into hers, Lilie had also wrapped her remaining limbs, her legs, around me, pulling me closer and closer into her. There was that same fiery passion as before that threatened to drag me in and consume me completely. I took a moment to catch my breath as I slowly lifted my lips from hers, a thin strand of saliva still hanging for a fraction of a second before falling away. We stared at each other in silence for a while as I listened to the soft sounds of Lilie’s breathing before she tightened her leg lock and leaned her small body closer to me as she whispered into my ear, “You better take responsibility for making me like this. Especially now that I’m totally helpless.” I could no longer feel Lilie’s legs wrapped around my waist as they too had now disappeared. Lilie looked smaller than ever as she wiggled on the bed with her clothes dangerously close to falling off her tiny frame. Pulling off her bottom was seamless as they slid off her smooth legless hips revealing her soft lower lips. I brushed aside her tail that she tried in vain to cover herself with and stared at my prize. It seemed to be swelling and pulsing as if it was crying out for me, and as I reached to bring my hand closer- “Come on! You’ve stared enough already! Do you know how embarrassing this is? Being limbless and revealed like this?” Lilie’s pussy seemed to twitch as she wiggled on the bed in frustration. “Fuck me already!” Lilie was silent as I prepared to enter her but she surprised me by suddenly shifting her weight so that I was plunged into her all at once. I heard a sharp uptake of air before Lilie let out a very satisfied breath that was almost a moan in pleasure. Lilie was warm, very warm, and being within her was like being in a fire that caressed and licked at me in waves of pleasure. It felt like I could feel her very heartbeat pounding and echoing through her as I was inside her. “C-come on, don’t just stand there, y-you’re fucking me remember?” Lilie stammered through her words a bit, “Use me like I’m the limbless fucktoy that I am now!” Indeed, Lilie’s tiny body was very reminiscent of a fucktoy, with no arms and legs but only her pussy adorning the end of her smooth and legless hips. I put my hands around her smooth shoulders and started moving. Each thrust seemed to reverberate pulses of pleasure between the two of us. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Fuck me! More! Use me!” Lilie’s moans of pleasure echoed in my ears as I continued to user her soft supple body. Her tiny limbless body seemed hypnotic as it constantly drew me in and out of her. “W-wait,” Lilie managed to blurt out, “Do you think you could, um, pick me up?” To say she was light would be an understatement, but I was still surprised that I was now staring at the limbless succubus that was resting on my cock. “I’ve always wanted to try doing something like this, but I don’t have arms or legs right now so I can’t even put them around you. Do you think I can-? Hmmm, maybe…” I could see her starining her shoulders. She was trying to move her tiny wings so that they could reach me from behind her. It was a bit embarrassing feeling myself getting even harder inside her as I watched her struggle. “Don’t worry about it,” I said, as I put my arms around her, “I’ll just hold you enough for the both of us.” I squeezed her into a deep hug as I continued to fuck her. Lilie’s wings flapped energetically as I watched her face deep in ecstasy. Lilie’s tail was also whipping back and forth, and I couldn’t help but reach a hand around it, grabbing one of her remaining body parts. Lilie let out a yelp and I could feel her immediately tighten up, clamping down on me with such a force that I didn’t even have time to react before exploding inside her. “Hehe~” the limbless succubus whispered as she lay on top of me, “thanks for the meal~” ************************************************************************************************************* It was not the sun that woke me up, but the soft rustling of sheets next to me. I watched as Lilie tried to brush the hair from her face with a tiny arm stump. “You’re still here? I thought succubi were the demons of the night.” I yawned before brushing aside the lock of hair that was on her face. Lilie’s eyes slowly blinked a few times before focusing on me. “Well, maybe if someone wasn’t weird and liked amputee girls I could have actually left!” Lilie examined her tiny stumps, barely a few inches long. “Even after all that last night I haven’t even regrown my limbs up to the joints! Ugh! This is all your fault you know!” Lilie flopped onto me with the vantage granted by her tiny leg stumps. “Since this is all your fault, you better be responsible and feed me a lot more! Got it?”