How to Pronounce Backtracking

I thought it warranted a response from me. I have always toed the line of "edgy" humor when it comes to my online presence. Over the last 5 year, I've developed a more sarcastic, blunt, and satirical personality. There's nothing about what I've done publicly that I have tried to hide, or delete, or claim ignorance to. I take full responsibility of all I've said and all my actions. I can proudly say that I'm someone who is really open about my life in a space where many hide, not because they are bad people, but because people on the internet love judging and backseating a streamer's life. Someone emailed me a list of problematic things I've done in their eyes and that's making the rounds in the "twitter stan" circles, and normally I would say: "just don't watch my content" - not in a dismissive manner, but simply as, this is just my humor. But it has been brought to my attention that there are literally people crying about it, and even dragging the people I care about (namely my friends in OTV and Amigops) into it by pressuring them and condemning them for interacting with me. Shit on me all you want, but I always draw the line at attacking my friends. So let's take a look: 1. "He's a racist" - In an OTV video from 2 years ago where we did a Don't Laugh challenge, in an attempt to get a subject to laugh, I read out a race joke off a website. It was all bleeped out, but if you go looking for it - you'll find the full version. People seem to think this means I support racism even through my words and actions during the BLM protest, it's clear that I condemn it - even being attacked by people for using my platform to speak up against racism. It's an offensive joke I made to get a reaction from the participant. Trying to educate me that it's offensive has no weight because we all knew it was offensive, that's why it was censored. Is it tasteless, sure you can say that - but it doesn't make me a racist. As someone who was spat on for being the quiet Asian kid in school, being called Jackie Chan all the time, hearing "ching chong" when I go out to eat at a restaurant - I have experienced racism myself. This obviously doesn't make me immune to being racist, but reading an offensive joke doesn't make me one either. 2. "He's a racist off-stream" - In a podcast with Destiny, I mention that privately, streamers say and do things that the public would find distasteful. This is the truth. There's a reason why the majority of streamers keep their lives so private, and try to only show the positives of their lives to their audience. This is really important to understand - you only see what the streamers show you on stream. You don't know what they are like when the cameras are off besides stories and testimonies from people who actually know them. When I say I make racial jokes off-stream, this does not mean I walk around the OTV house dropping slurs left and right. It means occasionally, say we are discussing the next member of OTV, I would say "ARE THEY ASIAN? BECAUSE WE ARE TOO ASIAN. WE SHOULD DIVERSIFY WITH A WHITE/BLACK GUY!". Obviously, we don't pick member based on race - does that mean everyone in OTV deserved to be cancelled and forced to apologies for NOT then running to Twitter and publicly condemning what I said in private? No. 3. "He promotes pedophilia" - During a game of pictionary, the prompt was "illegal" and I drew a stick figure of a young girl, obviously meaning pedophilia is illegal. Some people tweeted at me saying that I want to have sex with children because of it. Some people say they just find it tasteless. Tasteless, I understand - again it just goes back to my "edgy" sense of humor. I don't support pedophilia (I can't believe I have to even say that) and it honestly surprises me that some stans are trying to cancel me for this one. The prompt was "illegal", I'm pretty sure it's clear that even with the worse opinion of me, people can recognize that I'm saying pedo = bad. 4. "I'm a rape advocate" - This one bothered me the most because the others I can understand to some degree of people just thinking my humor is crass and tasteless. Coincidentally, this one is the one where the email didn't bother including any VODs or clips, just a recollection that I said “when a women says no don’t let that stop you cause she doesn’t really mean it anyway, just keep going” - I genuinely do not remember saying this and am surprised that people didn't even bother checking the VOD for it before just blindly accepting it. I do recall saying something along the lines of "if a girl says no, just keep asking till she gives in" - as in keep bothering a girl if she turns you down. And obviously, I hope people have enough social understanding to see that it was sarcastic - as I did it in front of my two close female friends who I know will respond accordingly "TOAST NO, DONT TEACH THEM THAT". When I make satirical commentary, I usually say something purposely ignorant because I know there exists men that do think that way - and I do it in front of people I know who would react in a manner that shows that this line of thinking is not okay. I know doing so without a foil or friends to play the straight role, some fans might actually think I was being serious - which is why I always make sure that it's clear that what I'm saying is stupid. For this particular conversation, I also remember not finishing my sentence and immediately backtracking on it because I realized in the moment that some people might take it the wrong way since I didn't properly convey it. I recognize that rape and sexual assault isn't something to joke about, I like to think my actions during a period of time where friends of mine did go through such trauma shows how seriously I take it. It was a joke about how creepy men can be. I don't think it is fair to label me as a "rape advocate", especially while not showing any clips or VODs of the moment. 5. "He thinks there's nothing wrong with using the R slur" - This one is a complete head scratcher because I don't ever use the R slur, and I am really aware of why it's a word that shouldn't be used, which is why I've never used it in any of my stream or video for the last several years. The email claimed that I said this on a recent stream, but again, doesn't show the clip or VOD of me saying it. It really does break my heart to see people just eat all of this up without asking for at least the clip or context. They just see that the first 3 points had a video so they assume the second two points are valid without needing proof. I even recently did a stream saying how I specifically refrain from using the word despite it being "allowed" by other streamers. And final note, someone said I was specifically attacking some Twitter user when I talked about cancel culture on stream recently and to this I can only say: I have no idea who they are. I usually talk in generalizations of what I see or what people tell me. My friend showed me the profile and I had no idea what was going on, but this person was claiming I was specifically attacking them and that I called them a child. This goes back to what I have always said about parasocial relationships. The stans will try their best to insert themselves into a streamer's life to an unhealthy point, that this person thinks that I, Disguised Toast, was talking about THEM, this special individual. When I talk about children stans trying to cancel people, I'm referring to the toxic ones who tell anyone who disagree with them to kill themselves and are only interested in getting an apology as some kind of victory. If you're not a child throwing a tantrum on twitter, if you're respectfully voicing your opinions like the thread author here - I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU WHEN I TALK ABOUT TOXIC STANS. Take one look at my mentions and you can find the people that I AM talking about. Moving forward, I will try to be a lil bit less edgy. But that type of humor is something I grew up with and do personally find humorous. Similar to Michael Scott's character from The Office or Joey from Friends - it's clear when they make ignorant remarks that they ARE ignorant remarks, and the reaction from the other characters make it clear on that. That's what I try to satirize in my content whenever I do make jokes rooted in racial or sexual nature. If you take it at face value, without context, without knowing me - I can understand why I might come off as a bigot. But even if you don't respect me, at least respect the opinion of the people around me, my peers, people who known me for years. Know that they wouldn't stand for any bigotry or racism or sexism because we hold each other to a very high standard. To the original message author: thanks for taking the time out to properly convey how you feel.. I do apologize to the people who were hurt by my jokes. If you watched my Among Us lobbies, my concern is always whether or not being are having a positive experience, its the same with my fans. With so much new fans coming in from the recent blowup in our friend circle, I'm sure several of them weren't aware that I had a very edgy, dry, sarcastic sense of humor that can definitely be offensive at times. And at the end of the day, if you are uncomfortable with my style of humor, then it's best not to watch me. I will try to be more considerate, but I expect to still make the occasional edgy joke here and there. The one thing I ask is to leave my friends alone. They are wonderful people that don't deserve any hate for associating with me. Boycott my content, cancel me, whatever - but don't drag them into it by pressuring them or demanding an apology from them just because we play games together. (Final thing, if you use my friends' faces as your twitter profile picture or their names in your handle, and you go around attacking other fandoms or use it to cause drama between fan bases - change it. Grow the fuck up. You give them a bad name and they don't deserve that. This goes double for any of my own fans because I've taught you all better than that.)